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Setting Boundaries Sets Kids for
Success
Have you ever played a game without knowing the rules? Chances are,
your lack of knowledge made it just as frustrating for the other
players as for you.
Just like every game has rules,
children need and want rules for the game of life. If they don’t
have rules to play by, they don’t know what’s expected, which can
lead to confusion for them and frustration for parents. By setting
boundaries for your children, you are equipping them for a more
successful life and making them feel loved, secure and accepted.
According to
Dr. Amy Middleman, physician in the inpatient clinic at
Texas Children’s
Adolescent Medicine Center and associate professor
of Pediatrics at Baylor College of Medicine, “Setting boundaries
shows love, care and concern. Over time, a child learns to depend on
these guidelines to help them make decisions. And, they become a
safety net for avoiding risky behavior and dealing with peers as
they grow into the adolescent and teen years.” Here’s how to set
successful boundaries with your kids:
Start early. The sooner you start setting boundaries, the
easier it is for your children to respect them as they get older.
Since for very young children, most boundaries are safety-related,
like staying out of the street, they will quickly come to realize
that these boundaries protect them. It’s never too late to start
setting boundaries.
Make it clear. Boundaries need to be discussed openly and
stated clearly. Children should always know what the boundaries are,
the reason for them and the consequences for overstepping them.
Be consistent. Without consistent enforcement, boundaries are
worthless. Lack of follow-through only leads to loss of your
authority. When rules are broken, make sure consequences are
consistent and quick.
Be reasonable. Parents should establish guidelines with an
open mind and set boundaries that are age and personality
appropriate. One child may require more firm boundaries than
another, depending on his individual personality and track record.
As children grow and mature, boundaries should be loosened gradually
to prepare them for independent and wise decision making.
Be equitable. The punishment should always fit the crime. Be
careful not to punish small infractions too severely, or large ones
too leniently, as children will become confused and frustrated.
Role play. Children and teens can be very literal. By role
playing, you can coach them through specific situations and show how
boundaries apply.
Reward good behavior. Don’t miss opportunities to praise your
children for making good choices and honoring established
boundaries. But don’t go overboard or your praise may be perceived
as superficial.
Let your children choose. The ultimate goal is that children
will learn to set their own limits. While they are under your care,
look for opportunities to talk to them about setting their own
boundaries. And, lovingly, help them see their areas of weakness.
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